Phobias
by aqaws321
Summary: Barry has a very good reason for each of his fears. Or, five times someone helped Barry with one of his fears and one time someone else was helped.
1. Drowning

**I'm starting to crosspost some of my stuff from AO3 that I haven't posted here yet. This story has 6 chapters and will be updated roughly once a week. I'd like to add that, although the foster families Barry mentions are horrible, I am aware that there are many wonderful foster families out there, and I actually know a wonderful couple that has taken in many kids. We authors just tend to stick our characters with the worst ones.**

 **Original A/N:** **So, I saw Justice League, and instantly fell in love with Barry, and then churned this entire thing out over the next day and a half. It was weird to feel so enthusiastic about writing something for once, but I think my brain needed a change of pace- or fandom.**

 **This fic does deal with the aftermath of abuse and the scars it brings. There is a brief conversation in the second-to-last-chapter that talks about the possibility of sexual abuse, but only to confirm that it didn't happen. It's literally a blink-and-you'll-miss it type of conversation.**

 **Each chapter has a title (i.e. "Drowning," which describes the fear that Barry faces in each chapter. That means that that is a situation that Barry will be put in or have to face in the chapter, so if you have a problem with it, don't read it.**

 **Warnings: Canon-typical violence, mentions of canonical minor character death, mentions of past abuse (physical only).**

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The problem, Barry decides somewhere in the back of his mind that isn't preoccupied with the fact that he's currently in danger of drowning, is that he'd never really gotten over his fear of drowning.

He's not quite sure why his fear of drowning is the thing causing his current problem (drowning), but it makes sense. Somewhere.

He can't take baths anymore. Hasn't been able to since he was ten years old and his foster father held his head underwater- extensively- every time he got tired of listening to Barry talk about something.

Not being able to take a bath is not actually as big of an inconvenience as one might think, though. Barry's never liked to do things slowly, even before his accident, and the superspeed just made things worse.

Where was he? Right. Baths. Baths take too long and are boring. Showers are much quicker and let him get back to doing whatever thing is preoccupying his mind at the moment.

A thump on the glass surrounding him brings his mind back to the present. It's probably worrying that he didn't register drifting off into semi-consciousness, but Barry doesn't really have the energy to care at this point.

Still, another thump, this one louder and more annoying, prods him into opening his eyes. He slowly, so, so slowly peels them open, peering through crystal clear water at the man on the other side.

Barry's not sure who it is, honestly. Some low-level villain with super strength that he thought he could handle alone.

Apparently not.

The guy had a partner, a woman that had come out nowhere and frozen his feet to the ground and then swung a block of ice bigger than his fist at Barry before he could get loose.

The next thing he knew, he was here. Chained to the bottom of a tank filled with water with a mask strapped to his face that was connected to the bottom of the tank and that was giving him enough oxygen to stay conscious and alert.

Well, the alert part might've been more successful if he didn't currently have a concussion the size of New Jersey throbbing at the base of his skull. At least his cowl had stayed on through the whole experience, even if he'd rather have it off right now.

Barry realizes that the man's stopped hitting the glass. Instead, he's staring at Barry in a way that makes him feel uncomfortable. Like Barry's a science experiment that the man can't wait to dissect.

Which, for the record? Not something Barry's ever been or wanted to be. Somehow, 'lab rat' didn't come up on career choice day.

Apparently fed up with Barry's inattentiveness- _get in line, buddy, you've got a lot of angry foster families ahead of you_ \- the man hits the glass again, harder than he has before. The sound reverberates through Barry's head, and he tries to shake it to relieve the ringing in his ears.

The way his head moves so slowly only serves to remind him of the fact that he's trapped under water. Great.

Still, he forces his mind away from his situation and looks up at the man, who's grinning in the same way that all supervillains seem to grin.

(Seriously, do they take a class, or- no. Focus, Barry. Focus.)

Sound suddenly comes pouring out of tiny black boxes fixed to the top corners of the tank. Barry curls in on himself as much as he can at the onslaught of noise, so loud that he can barely focus on the words. "Welcome back, Flash. I'm so happy that you've decided to join us. Before you try anything, remember that the cuffs you're in neutralize your powers."

Barry shrugs. He'd say something snarky back, but. Well. Circumstances aren't the most accommodating towards that at the moment. The man continues, oblivious to his prisoner's thoughts. "I want you to know that you're going to drown, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Barry's heart is thundering in his ears now, and he only catches a bit of what the man says next. Something about an example. His captor reaches towards a switch and flicks it, and suddenly the mask starts to pull away from Barry and towards the bottom of the tank.

It vanishes, and so does Barry's calm. He thrashes, desperately holding his breath, giving every bit of power he has towards breaking free. The only thing that stops him from trying to use his speed is the knowledge that if he does, he'll electrocute the water and then he'll be dead anyway.

He can't breathe. He can't breathe and he can't move and he can't get free he has to get _free can't breathecan'tbreathecan'tbreathe-_

The man is still talking, the loud sounds coming from the speakers adding to Barry's terror, and suddenly, he's not in a tank, not a superhero, just a little boy that can't breathe because the man he thought would be his new family got tired of listening to him ramble on.

He sobs, inhaling water. He just wants his dad back.

Water's rushing out of the tank, and Barry sinks to his knees, limp. He gags, trying to cough water out and take in air at the same time. Someone's thumping his back, trying to get him to cough up the water he inhaled, and he can't get away-

Barry finally stops coughing, throat scraped painfully raw, and he takes in a ragged gasp of air. The hand is still touching him, large and coarse, and he twists away, a low noise coming from the back of his throat that he doesn't want to identify as a whimper, but really, there's no other word for it. The hand hesitates, then draws back.

Barry tries to remember how to breathe.

It takes him- he doesn't know. He doesn't know how long it is until he can finally breathe in a way that bears any semblance to normal, how long it is until he looks up and sees a large man crouching a few feet away from him, hands up and expression careful. "Barry," the man says, "Do you remember me? Do you know who I am?"

Barry thinks- he tries to think past the pounding in his head, past the trembling in his hands- Barry thinks he might. The man seems familiar. He closes his eyes, blinking them open again just as fast. "Arthur?"

The man- Arthur, Aquaman- nods. "Yeah. Yeah, it's me. I'm going to get you out of those chains, okay?"

Barry nods. He can't wait to get out of here. At least, that's what he thinks until Arthur stands and starts to walk towards him, and then all he can think is _tall big strong_ -

He doesn't realize that he's starting to hyperventilate again until Arthur calls his name again. "Barry. Barry, look at me. I'm staying over here, okay?"

Barry looks up. Arthur's telling the truth. The older man's sunk into a crouch again, hands back up, and he's still a few feet away from his younger teammate. Barry watches as Arthur takes an exaggerated breath, then another, and another. Almost without thinking, he syncs his own breathing to that of Arthur's. It takes a moment, but he can breathe again.

He realizes that he can't see either of his captors and wonders detachedly what happened to them. He can't quite bring himself to care at the moment.

Arthur gives him another moment to collect himself, then starts to speak again. "I'm going to come closer, okay? But not until you say so. And if you tell me to stop, I'll stop. Does that sound okay?"

Barry hesitates, but he nods. In the back of his mind, he wonders if he even has a choice.

Slowly, painfully slowly, Arthur inches forward, still in a crouch, still with his hands raised. Barry watches as the man gets ever closer. When the trembling in his hands becomes too much to ignore, he chokes out, "Stop. Please- stop."

Wonder of wonders, Arthur stops immediately. He doesn't reprimand Barry for being weak. He speaks quietly, a drastic change from the screeching of the speakers. "Okay, Barry. I stopped. I'm just staying here. I'm not going to come closer until you're okay with it."

Barry watches in disbelief as Arthur does exactly what he says. He doesn't move any closer. He doesn't press Barry to hurry up.

Barry closes his eyes again, but still can't keep them closed for long. It takes him a few long moments, but eventually, he says, "Okay. You can come closer."

Arthur nods. He starts moving again. This time he's within arm's reach of Barry when he reaches for the younger man and then all Barry can see is his hands, moving fast and he pulls against the chains because he needs to _get away_ -

Barry looks up to see Arthur just out of arm's reach, talking softly, speaking calming phrases. As soon as Arthur realizes that he's listening, he says, "I need to get close to you to get the chains off, okay?"

His voice is patient, and Barry doesn't know how to feel about that, but he nods.

Arthur moves closer, and Barry tenses instinctively, hunching his shoulders and trying to ignore the shaking in his hands as Arthur's hands, large and warm and calloused- but gentle, ever so gentle- close around his wrists and simply tear the cuffs off. Barry jerks away from him at the display of strength, scrambling backwards and towards the exit, but he's stopped by the cuffs around his ankles.

He watches, hardly able to think, as Arthur gives the ankle cuffs the same treatment. Then Barry moves backwards until his back hits the wall, and he stares at Arthur, who's still in the exact same spot, who's sitting cross-legged and leaning back on his hands.

It's about the most unthreatening position he can be in, and it helps Barry breathe. He rips the cowl off his face and feels instant relief at having the waterlogged clothing off of his face.

Arthur doesn't say anything for a long while, and Barry calms his heart rate. They sit there like that for a long time, and finally, Barry looks up and says, "Thanks."

Arthur nods, expression kind. "Of course. I was in the neighborhood. Are you alright?"

Barry recognizes the way the man holds himself, the way he shifts uncomfortably. He gets this way whenever he's out of the water for too long, and Barry knows the man's been away from the ocean for a few days now. He nods, pastes on a grin. "Yeah, of course."

Arthur still hesitates, and Barry saves him from having to make the decision himself. He stands, pulls the cowlback on, and says, "Well, uh, thanks again."

With that, he's out the door and into the darkness of the falling night.

He sleeps at the Manor that night, hoping that Bruce won't know, but needing somewhere he knows he'll be absolutely safe. He crashes on one of the many couches in one of the many living rooms and picks, by complete chance, the one that the entrance to the Batcave is in. He's fast asleep when Bruce stumbles over him on his way to get ready for the night.

Bruce watches the younger man for a moment, thinking about the call he received from Arthur earlier. He pulls a blanket over the younger man and tells Alfred to tell him if anything happens while he's on patrol. Alfred nods knowingly, muttering something about young men and their ability to sleep anywhere.

The next morning, Barry is still there, and Alfred invites him to breakfast with Bruce. Barry accepts, and no one comments on the way he sits with his back to the wall with a clear path to all the exits.

He mumbles an apology for staying at the Manor without an invitation, and Alfred looks very indignant and informs him that he's always welcome there and that "It's nice to have someone around that actually listens for once."

Bruce looks very, very exasperated, and Barry smiles down at his eggs.


	2. Guns

**The original author's note stated that this chapter and the next were posted on the same day. However, I'm going to post the next chapter over here on Sunday.**

 **endless galaxies97- I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!**

 **AndiKaneUnderwood- I love seeing your comments on my stories :)**

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Barry's with Diana- they've just taken down a gang of men that thought they had a better chance shooting at the two heroes than running- when he sees it. It seems innocent- as innocent as a weapon used mainly for destruction can be- but he can't quite bring himself to touch it.

Diana comes to talk to him, apparently finished with giving the policemen a report on the amount and location of drugs in the warehouse they're standing in, and finds him staring at it.

She leans down and picks it up, turning it over and over in her hands. Barry speaks before she does, unable to stop himself. "Careful."

Diana glances over at him, surprised. He stares at the gun in her hands as he talks. "Sorry. Just. Careful. Those things are dangerous."

Diana speaks then, quiet and steady. "Have you ever shot-"

Barry cuts her off. "No. That type of gun is the same type that-" He stops. Starts again. "I don't have a good history with guns."

Diana nods. He doesn't question how she seems to know what he's talking about. He knows Bruce has files on them all back at the Cave, and there's no question in his mind that his mother's death is in his file. There's a beat of silence, and then Diana speaks again. "Did you know that before I went outside of Themyscira, I had never seen a gun before?"

Barry shakes his head as his teammate continues. "I saw them for the first time when Germans stumbled upon my island. They killed some of my sisters. That was the same day I first met Steve."

Beside her, Barry stills. Diana rarely talks about her dead boyfriend, and whenever she does, she is very, very serious about something. "I was horrified by them, and I thought they were only used by monsters. I worked with Steve, though, and he showed me that they are only a tool, like my sword. How they are used depends on the one who wields them."

Barry looks up at Diana, sees the sad expression on her face, and feels as though he's intruding on something private. "I do not blame you for not liking them, my friend. Just remember that not all who use them are evil."

Barry nods, unable to find the words to speak, unsure of what's even appropriate to say after that. He watches as Diana hands the gun to a nearby police officer, and then walks into the bright sunlight outside. Nearby, a police officer mutters, "I don't know if I've ever seen anyone cooler than her."

Privately, Barry agrees.


	3. Murder

Barry and Victor are fighting a particularly pesky supervillain together when Barry messes up. He gets a little too cocky, too into trading quips with his friend, and he trips, winding up right in front of the villain, who promptly shoots him.

It's only a graze, and it honestly doesn't even hurt that much- super healing is an amazing benefit to being struck by lightning- but Victor lets out a roar of rage and slams the guy they're fighting up against a pile of crates, mechanical limbs whirring and morphing into something suspiciously deadly looking that comes to rest just under the man's neck.

Barry scrambles forward, zipping to his friend faster than the blink of an eye. He looks Victor in the eye- and immediately fights the urge to run, because the older man has murder in his eyes.

Barry hears a whimper from the man behind him, and, somehow, he knows what he needs to do. Calmly, quietly, he starts to talk. "Hey. Cyborg. Look at me."

Slowly, ever so slowly, his friend obeys. The blade stays at the man's neck, though, and Barry prays that the man has enough sense not to talk. "That's it. I'm not even hurt, see?" He offers his arm for inspection. Sure enough, the only sign of what happened is a tear in the sleeve and a bit of dried blood on Barry's skin. "It's fine."

Apparently this is the wrong thing to say, because Victor's grip on the man tightens, and the man looks like he's about to pass out from terror. Victor growls, "You getting hurt is not okay."

Barry nods. "Okay. Okay. Me getting hurt was bad. But now I'm fine. Nothing's going to happen." Victor doesn't look like he's about to put the guy down anytime soon, so Barry keeps talking. "It's not worth it, okay? You know killing this guy isn't going to make anything better. And look at him. He's not worth it."

Slowly, Victor's grip starts to loosen. "There we go. That's it. Just put him down. C'mon man, you don't want to deal with B's disappointment stare, do you?"

That last bit gets Victor to crack a tiny smile, and Barry mentally cheers, especially as Victor lowers the blade from guy's throat.

Unfortunately, this guy is apparently an idiot, as he takes the opportunity to lunge for Barry, who thinks, Really? After all this, you're going to go for me? and knocks him out with a single punch in less time than it takes for Victor to start to react at all.

They both stare at the man that's lying limp on the ground, then look at each other. Barry shrugs. "I guess we should call the police?"

After a moment of hesitation, Victor nods, and they leave the man lying on the ground with his hands tied behind him and a note to the police. They head back to the Cave, and Victor insists on a full medical scan for Barry, who looks at him and asks, "Can't you do that anyway, with all your fancy gear?"

Victor's already-dark skin flushes deeper, and Barry tries not to grin. Alfred conducts the scan, and Bruce watches. As soon as Alfred tells Barry he's clear, he tackles Victor, and any conversation Bruce attempts to have with them is ignored as their friendly insults quickly devolve into a wrestling match on the sparring mats.

Alfred and Bruce watch for a moment, sharing smiles at the young laughter that hasn't been heard in the cave for a long time.


	4. Bugs

**i totally forgot to post the next chapter sorry D:**

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Barry tries not to stare at the man next to him- because, hey, it's Superman- but he also tries not to flinch away from the guy every time Superman ("Call me Clark") makes a sudden move- or, really, any move that Barry's not expecting.

This is his chance in the big leagues! With heroes that people will be talking about for years! He can't mess this up just because of childhood trauma and the fact that the guy basically beat him into the ground last time he saw him!

Barry winces away from the last thought, choosing instead to focus on the task at hand- killing one of the last few nightmare bug-things that hadn't been sucked into the weird portal with Steppenwolf. There's not many of them, and they're all scattered around the same factory where they fought Steppenwolf. They had split up, and Victor, Diana, and Bruce had gone to search the east wing of the facility.

The only problem with this plan, which Barry hadn't been able to discreetly point out to Bruce since one of Superman's powers was super-hearing, was that this left Barry to go with Superman, who he's pretty sure hates Barry.

But who knows? Maybe that's just his instinct- born of many, many childhood experiences- talking. Maybe Superman wouldn't blame him for at least part of the destruction to his memorial statue.

Yeah. And maybe a large cheese pizza will fall from the sky right about... now.

When no cheese pizza appears and Clark calls him over, Barry resigns himself to his fate and walks over to the older man. "Yeah?"

Superman gives him a look, and Barry freezes for a fraction of a second, because maybe saying "Yeah," to the super-powerful, super-respected alien is a breach of etiquette.

If it is, though, it must be one that's small enough to overlook because Superman doesn't comment, instead nodding to the dark hallways in front of them. "You ready?"

Barry nods, shifting into a running stance. Then he takes off.

The speed is almost enough to take his mind off of his predicament. He loves the way the speed feels- the way everything calms, the way he can see anything coming at him from miles away. He glances over, and almost immediately trips when he sees Superman keeping speed with him.

He almost forgot how unnerving that was.

He rolls with his momentum, and somehow ends up crashing into a tiny closet. The door slams shut behind him, and then a nightmarishly yellow glow lights up the tiny space.

Barry screams as the nightmare bug lunges for him, a combination of surprise and memories that are a bit to close to this situation, and he desperately tries to fight the thing off. He's vibrating fast with terror, faster than he's ever gone before, and his hand slips through the bug's chest. It goes limp, suddenly, and he jerks backwards as a disgusting green goo that lightly stings splatters onto him.

Great. His day keeps getting better and better.

The closet door is wrenched open, and Barry's out of the closet in- well, a flash. He doesn't get farther than few steps outside the door, though, before he rams into what feels like a brick well and ends up on his back. He's left staring up at Superman, who's staring down at him with a bemused expression. "You okay?"

Barry somehow manages to push down his embarrassment enough to say, "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm pretty sure this bug blood is going to be a pain to get out of my suit, though."

Clark grins as he reaches down to help Barry up, opening his mouth to say something, but as soon as his hand gets in the vicinity of Barry's head, the younger man flinches away.

Barry wants to sink through the floor as Superman hesitates, brow furrowed. He thought he was over this. He should've been over this. Quickly, he scrambles to his feet. "Sorry," he mumbles, "Just- you know. After you get locked in a shed with a bunch of bugs as a kid it kind of stays with you after the fourth or fifth time, haha."

Barry wants to curse his runaway mouth as he processes what he's just said. No, scratch that. He just wants to die. He can see Superman putting together what he just said, getting ready to say something, and he blurts out, "Can we just finish this?"

And he hates the way his voice comes out, small and weak and childish, but Clark doesn't say a word. Instead, he nods and turns away, walking at a normal speed. Barry takes the hint and follows.

As they walk, systematically going through every hallway and room for any sign of the creatures, Clark begins to talk, voice deceptively casual. The way he keeps flicking his eyes over to Barry gives him away, though. "You know, when I was a kid, I used to be terrified of spiders. Didn't really have a reason, just thought it was creepy that they had so many legs. I still don't like them, actually."

Clark stops, and, reluctantly, Barry faces him. He realizes, in that moment, just how much taller than him Superman is. Barry doubts that the older man means to loom as much as he does, but it's still happening, and he has to fight not to take a step away from him.

Clark takes a minute to clear his throat, but when he speaks it's with a quiet intensity that makes Barry remember just why the man in front of him is regarded as a leader the world over. "I don't know why you have a problem with bugs, Barry, or even if that's actually what it is. But it's not anything to be ashamed of, especially when it's the result of something that wasn't your fault."

Barry doesn't know what to say. He knows what Clark's saying is true, but it's hard, sometimes, to believe. It helps, though, to have someone else say it every once in a while. He settles for giving an awkward nod and hoping his gratitude shows on his face. It must, because Clark grins at him before taking off at superspeed again.

Barry smiles to himself. Maybe he can get used to this team thing.


End file.
